c:

I didn’t know that most of what I do is ineffective, most of my techniques and efforts are ineffective. I’m trying to live life normally, and as beneficially as I can; beneficially for myself and for others. I don’t really see it as a competitive game, wherein others’ wins indicate my own loss, or anybody else’s loss. We reach the finish line at different times, and in different ways. I think my own version of success is to someday be a good mom, a volunteer in my community, and a writer and illustrator. I guess I’m trying to become a video/film editor and photographer, too—-though I don’t think life is about work and income, especially for the likes of me. I’ve dealt with a lot of mental illness and trauma in my life, for some reason—psychotic disorder and extreme difficulty with many different types of people. I have absolutely no idea why, in both cases—except for the fact that mental illness runs on my mom’s side of the family, very strongly. Schizophrenia, and that type of thing.
I hope that I learn to let things be in my life, the things that I can’t control. I like tea and I like other types of stuff; I like my creative practices that I try to busy myself with and do well, to the best of my ability. I should just focus on the positive things in my life, and leave the things that I have no way to influence or control. It’s not that I would prefer certain elements in my life to be the way they are; I just found myself in that situation. It’s really easy to judge sometimes. ): But you don’t know what’s going on beneath the surface, it’s hard to know the whole story. | ty*.